Monday, April 26, 2010

Hey, you! Yeah, you! Don't Go Anywhere!

I'm writing! I promise! I am not slacking off because (a). I don't have a penis and (b). If I did have a penis, I wouldn't want to go blind from all that slacking off.

Thanks, as always, for visiting the Porch. I extend an enthusiastic welcome to my new sitters and visitors. I'm happy you're here. Don't be strangers - even when I offend you in a way that makes you sort of aghast, but also, sort of amused. Really. Stick around a while and you'll get used to it.

I think I've (mostly) recovered from the shock of turning 40 (I'm lying), so new posts should find their way here soon now that I'm not distracted by thoughts of birthday cake. Well, damn, I just distracted myself again. I think there's one piece left...

Truthfully, I'm diligently working on new stuff. Today, for instance, I've been writing for minutes and minutes about my brief time many springs ago as a groupie with the Spin Doctors. Pssshhhhh. Don't act like you're not impressed. I know you better than that. The problem is, I keep listening to old Spin Doctors jams while I write it (to get in the spirit and all) and then I'm up and dancin' to songs with beautiful, poetic lyrics like, "Gotta love it; it's my duty!She's got a big, fat funky booty!" How am I NOT supposed to shake my own big fat funky booty to that, I ask you? Impossible.

I've also spent a considerable amount of time contemplating why the singular groupie is spelled with an "ie" and not a "y". That bothers me. I have issues.

In addition to the Spin Doctors piece, I have other important - dare I say - potentially life-altering works in the ol' writing hamper (I'm lying again. I've got nothin').

So please stay tuned. Make yourself comfy on the Porch (I always save a spot for you), and I'll go pour you a glass of lemonade while you wait (totally lying again. I'll be in backyard garden hiding from you and drinking wine as I crack under the pressure I just imposed on myself.)

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