Friday, July 29, 2011

Is This Thing On?

Hey, guys! Long time no see ...

Wow. Have you lost weight? Did you change your hair? You look fabulous. I feel like Grandma Helen on "Sixteen Candles": Let me take a look at you... Fred, she's gotten her boobies! And they are so perky!

Me? I've been up to my usual tricks: friending Californians on Facebook in the hopes of obtaining Chocodiles; sipping sweet tea on the porch swing; and trying to figure out how circles work in google+ (if I have to calculate a radius, I am so out of there).

Obviously, I've been neglecting the Porch -- bad blogger! BAD! -- to focus my energy elsewhere the past few months. I would update you, but I prefer to be mysterious. Maybe it involved Hugh Jackman. Maybe it didn't. I'll never tell. That's a condition of my parole.

Relax, potential future employers. I'm totally kidding. It was Christian Bale.

In all seriousness, I have spent the past few months being, well, serious. Who wants to hear about that? Since we're constantly bombarded with news of the economic crisis, bickering politicians, crazy weather patterns, and most importantly, reports that George Clooney dumped yet another girlfriend (uh, hello, George? Fellow Kentuckian here. Holla!), I figure we've all had enough weighty issues to deal with for a while.

Since I have my poignant moments, I'll never rule out writing the occasional melodramatic post, but not today.

Today, I simply want to say hi (I'm waving at you right now! Wave back, so I don't look like the only idiot waving at my computer); thank you for checking in occasionally; and recommit myself to writing regularly. I put that in bold-faced type so you know I mean it.

In fact, I'm strongly considering writing full-time and seeing where that leads me. My guess is I'll be living in my van (DOWN BY THE RIVER!) but I'll sit on the hood and call it my van porch, so we're good.

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